Cinema Etiquette

A very recent experience moved me to write this blog. As always, its really just an excuse for me to vent my frustration at all the petty little gripes I have with the world.

Anybody who knows me will be well aware of the fact that I watch alot of films and going to the cinema is one of my main past times. Truth be told, if I had the time to go every day I probably would. Like many people, I find it a great form of escapism and a perfect way to unwind after a hard day at the office.

As I said, this blog is in response to an experience I recently had. This experience took place at a cinema. The film I saw is unimportant. What is important to mention, however, is the fact that I was there alone. As I write that I cringe at the thought of any potential reader misconstruing what I say to think I am seeking sympathy. Far from it!! I merely mention this due to its significance in the context of the anecdote.

On this particular evening I sat, popcorn in hand, drink placed in the holder next to me, in gleefull anticipation of the masterpiece I expected to unfold. I looked around and said to myself ''Perfect, there are only a few people here, no morons, I can actually enjoy this for once withouth having a bunch of kids laughing and shouting throughout.'' And then what do you think happened next? Let me tell you what happened next, the biggest breach of cinema etiquette I have ever seen happed next, thats what! I watched on in horror as a young couple walked towards me and sat in the 2 seats next to me!!! Can you belive it?! Let me remind you that the cinema was practically empty. Apart from 6 or 7 people, I had the place to myself!! And in strolls love's young bloody dream! Everybody knows that if you walk into an empty cinema and the film is about to start, you can sit anywhere. You would harldy ever pay attention to the seat numbers on the tickets. And you certainly wouldnt place yourself right next to a person on their own! Even as they sat down, I expected the young gentleman to look at me and say, ''Excuse me sir, we just noticed you might be in danger of enjoying yourself and thought why not come over and horrifically ruin your night.'' I was horrified by the sheer ignorance! I was even more horrified when I imagined the sick depraved person who must have served this couple at the till when they purchased said tickets. I could just imagine the smarmy little git seeing me buy my ticket knowing exactly where I was sitting and saying to himself, ''I'm gonna knock a bit of fun out of tonight''!! What an evil bastard!

Consider that you were sitting on a bus on your way home one evening and you had the top deck all to yourself? Wouldnt it be weird if someone you didnt know came up and sat down beside you? Of course it would!! You would think it was damn weird because that is not bus etiquette. I'ts just not what one does. Well, let me tell you that cinema etiqutte is exactly the same. Jus because you buy a ticket does not make it any less weird to sit next to someone who is on their own, especially if you have your girlfriend with you. Surely you would prefer to have some privacy!

Before we solve the recession, lets try getting some bloody common decency back!! And it starts with cinema etiquette!

Bouncers. Sub human scum

If the recession is getting you down and your an absolute fucking moron with little or no education, completely devoid of interpersonal skills and severely overweight, become a fucking bouncer. Any thick cunt can do the job and whats more, you get to take your personal gripes with the world out on pathetic drunks who cannot defend themselves.

If I was compiling a top 10 of the lowest people in our society, bouncers would rank just above fraudsters and racists. They are the kind of fucking people who fail the police exam, then fail the fire service exam, then fail the prison service exam, then think to themselves, ''Oh fuck, I really am a worthless fucking cunt with no job prospects, who in their right fucking mind would give a thick bastard like me a job? I better become a fucking bouncer.''

The most ironic thing about them is the fact that they are supposed to be guardians of peace. On the contrary, these bastards want it to kick off, they want a ruck, they want to get their hands dirty. Anyone who lives in Aberdeen will ''ken'' the guys outside pearl lounge with their yellow tee shirts that say ''customer safety''. Customer Safety? My hairy scrote! They cause more trouble than the customers, they love a good fight!! Fuck them all!


Scum. The lowest form of scum, I wish them all bad luck!